Sunday, 8 December 2013

Handling Your Exes After Marriage (2)

Complacency is not a good word in marriage relationship. So also is the phrase; “taking for granted”. Follow these tips and you will not regret or blame anyone:
  • Do not be complacent or take anything in your relationship for granted. This mostly concerns your communication with your spouse.
  • Assumption of many things will soon bring many preventable heartaches.So in the issue of handling your exes, do not be complacent or take any suspicious move by any ex for granted. Raise an alarm if need be. 
  • Your family, your name/integrity, your future and most importantly, your eternity (salvation of your soul) is at stake here. Let’s continue with practical steps of handling ones ex (es) after marriage.

So as you finally have decided to settle down in your new home, you should take some drastic steps and make up your mind that your own marriage MUST work. Why should yours be different or suffer the same ailment as those who are now in the dustbin of failed marriages, when you can build your own to stand any storm? It’s God’s utmost desire to see you settled with absolute peace and joy in your home.

Delete names: I have heard from close friends who soon after they got married were told by their husbands to throw away their SIM cards. Some men even destroy the cards themselves and get a new one for their wife. And purpose was to get rid of all old friends including whoever must have his been new wife’s ex.
Many women do while others object and go through the initial pain or disappointment of finding out that her man reasons differently on some minor issues. Sometimes it has even been a source of quarrel between newlyweds. For me, I do not think you should destroy your SIM card; I’d rather you delete ALL “risky” names from your phone. However, I’d also say you should obey him for the interest of peace if, after explanation he refuses to see reasons with you.

 Destroying the card is not proper because there may be many other useful contacts which may be difficult to get again due to distance. There may also be some business contacts on the card. The problem is not so much in the SIM card as in the mind of the card holder. I think the most reasonable thing is to simply delete the “risky ‘names from your contact list so that whenever the person calls, you will have to ask who it was and when this repeats a couple of times, he/she may give up.

Speak Up: no one knows your friends more than you. And you alone can unerringly point at the malignant ones who are likely to give problems. When you are married, it’s no longer time to play games or act as if you are teleguided by some invisible force. You have to speak out and “declare” it loud and clear to some people that they should internalize the reality on ground.

 Tell them that you do not want them to call you, and say it emphatically so that the caller will know how serious you are. You can also share your worries with your husband if he is an understanding fellow for guidance and protection. Telling him will give you confidence and also make you know that someone is there for you who cares hence, no need for any side attraction.

Dream Big: Dreaming about the future of your wonderful family with you at the center working hard, rowing with all your might as if it were a boat with all of them in it and your husband also doing his best to keep the boat on course. Just think about it all the time. Any foolish distraction could be very disastrous as lives could be lost or some irreparable damage incurred. 

You wouldn’t want that, so it’s time to vehemently oppose anyone or anything that will stop you from reaching your destination(unless you have none).No matter what the past was like, realize that you are in a new place with the responsibility of building it up resting on you. Dream it to get you motivated. Don’t be distracted. Jesus is there with you all the way. You are not alone.

“The heart of man is very deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it….The Lord will reward each man according to what he has done.”---Jeremiah 17:9-10
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