Friday, 4 October 2013
Neglecting Your Appearance After Marriage.Are you guilty?
Many times men complain that their wives suddenly changed from been whom they saw and married. This complaint when viewed from a distance and by an un-initiated (the unmarried and inexperienced) may sound very foolish or baseless. But countless men have had to give this reason over and over again as what led them to cheat. I will illustrate with a short story. Jane was a very beautiful and attractive lady who kept herself very clean and elegant before marriage.
She was the reference point for all her single colleagues then and she had a bevy of suitors coming for her hand until she finally settled for Chucks. Everything seemed so perfect. For the first two years, Jane maintained her gorgeous looks and her husband was always proud to take Jane everywhere he went. She was the envy of her colleagues and some of her husband’s friends teased him if he could ever let Jane off his side.
Soon after their first son, Kosi was born; things began to take a downward turn. People from outside could not understand what happened but it was obvious to close friends because they were no longer always seen in each other’s company like before and some close neighbours could sometimes hear muffled growling in their apartment.
Jane herself did not seem to have any clue. She knew that something was terribly wrong and had confided in some of her closest friends who advised her based on what they think. To make matters worse, Jane could not even use sex as Chucks was no longer interested in sleeping with her for the past 9 months! It was that bad. She did not even know that she was the chief architect of what was happening to her marriage. The situation became so tense and hopeless that she had to go see her priest and narrated everything to him.
Father peter asked to see her and her husband the next day. It was difficult for her to ask Chucks to accompany her to see the priest but Chucks was naturally a nice person. He loved Jane and did not actually have any intention of hurting her wasn’t surprising then that since he stopped sleeping with Jane, he also had vowed that he wasn’t going to have sex with any other woman! He had not also reneged on his family responsibilities but had made up his mind NEVER to have sex with Jane until she changes her dirty attitude. He had made up his mind to keep his marriage promises, but was pretty confused about the whole unpleasant experience. The next day they arrived Father Peter’s office and sat there like strangers to each other.
Father welcomed them jovially and after exchanging pleasantries calmly narrated what Jane had told him about their relationship. After giving his words of advice, Chucks could not say anything in defense. He simply invited father to their house the next day which father did not hesitate to honour if this would be the remedy to their problem.
On arrival the next day, after offering him some beverage Chucks asked father Peter to follow him to the back of their apartment where they had a personal clothline.On getting there, Chucks pulled back a wrapper to expose a heap of unwashed and badly washed under wears that belonged to his wife-braziers,pants,singlets.A medley of sorts. Father couldn’t believe what he saw and also wasn’t expecting anything like that but it was a statement: Jane was a dirty woman and Chucks could no longer tolerate that until she changes.
He had tried to correct her for long now but she seemed adamant perhaps due to the erroneous belief that once you are married, it does not matter anymore. You can forget your former efforts at keeping yourself trim and trendy and some even discarded efforts at personal hygiene which was the case with Jane; and it nearly cost her her marriage. So Chucks simply told father that unless she changed, he had decided to be celibate till death did them part and had also vowed never to sleep with any woman but his wife. Father Peter was nearly moved to tears.
He stood there for a while not really knowing what to say and after a protracted silence, they looked t each other and like they read each other’s mind, both silently walked back to the sitting room.”Father, sometimes she even treks to the shop over there bra-less and leaves it all swinging like pendulum. What else do you want me to do?”Father called for
Jane and asked her to see him in his office the next day.
On the morning of the next day she was the foist person to arrive at the office and had to wait for father Peter who came about 45 minutes later.
Jane was expectant. She just wished that the visit was fruitful and would bring forth the solution to their marital puzzle. In effect this young woman was looking for her problems elsewhere oblivious that she was the cause of it all. When she entered the office, she looked tensed up with expectations mixed with inexplicable happiness because the look on his face was purely expressionless as if there was no problems at all or rather looked like whatever problem it was, was already a walk-over.”Mrs Jane Chucks”, he said, in a deep calm voice. The woman sat up, her eyes lit up and sparkling; peering directly into father’s own eyes as if to elicit all the questions or answers at once.Obviously she expected some prescriptions of "7 day prayer and fasting".But the answer she got was a twist.
“Your husband is a nice man and you are very lucky to have married such a good fellow”. He said. I have just a few words for you.”Don’t let the children or house chores or even work keep you from doing what I am going to tell you now “Jane was all ears. When you get home now, I want you to change this stuff you are wearing. Put on something more attractive as you used to do some years back; get all your under wears spick and spack, get this your hair retouched...I mean personal grooming and cleanliness. Let the house look like it was before you had your baby. Do this for just 2 weeks let’s see what will happen”. Jane was shocked but she knew Father was not playing so she thanked him and left.
Work began: she decided to discard all the underwears she had and bought new ones; a few items of clothing were bought too (she had the money to do all these).Within the next 48 hours every area of the house was having the new touch of the woman once again. By the third day, Chucks was all smiles whenever he stepped out of his car and the wife noticed something different in his countenance.
On that memorable Friday, which was ‘day 5’ of the experiment, and for the first time in many months, Chucks kissed Jane profusely on getting out of his car as he used to do. It was not yet up to the two weeks mark, but that night it was a lovemaking session like never before. Chucks wanted to show her wife that he really loved her and only wanted to correct an anormally. He told his wife what he had been passing through all those months and how he wished she would continue to be careful of her looks. Jane was all tears, and promised to work hard to keep herself smart always and keep the house in order.
She beamed vividly and noticeably throughout the next day. She seemed to have conquered by discovering the answer to her query. It was such a simple thing and she never wavered again. It was after all what she was supposed to be doing all the while.