Saturday, 15 August 2015
When I Looked At Her
As I pulled back the gate my eyes beheld her briskly walking up to my direction,and obviously she was also going to get some stuff from our gatekeeper or the next one.
My heart thumped.Once.Twice.Thrice!I felt it.I tried to swiftly shift my gaze but,Biola was an irresistible beauty.One can't ignore in a hurry.At 24 she was vividly a full grown woman and her beauty was entrancing.I stood there,and for the first time I really appreciated fully what a stunning beauty she was.I almost literally hung on the gate gazing as she continued advancing;I almost forgot what I had come out to do until she came close and waved."hi" ,I had also replied.
"Why has this guy not opened his shop?", She inquired.That's when I realized that Usman hadn't opened for business that morning.I went inside quickly and woke him up to come settle us.
Back to my room,and with the figure I just encountered and our little conversation still hazily dancing in my subconscious, my eyes shot at my bible and notebook and once again,I became somber.
"Lord,forgive me for looking at her.I should have avoided her when I saw her coming,and maybe waited for her to finish her transactions before going out there.I will never look at women and admire them again.Holy Spirit help me"
Monday,at lecture hall.I was fortunately early enough to secure one of the front seats.Others were already occupied with guys chattering away while we waited for Prof.Gbenga or any of them.
Chizoba was her name,jovial as ever. she walked up straight to me chattering playfully with arms open which she threw around me in full view of all."Abeg,na me and you go share that seat today o.I don first tell you please".I smiled.My friends started clapping; some started whistling and giggling."Brother,how far na?".Kayode chipped.
After the lectures,I felt disturbed.I slid back to myself again and many thoughts kept popping up in my mind.
Why should this girl hug me like that? Why didn't I push her away or moved out of the way? Did i sin by accepting that hug?I was really carnal and Lord please forgive me.
And so was it that even as I walked through the school,at some point,I wanted to keep my face down so I wouldn't look at women.As you too can attest,there are just too many beautiful women at University of Lagos.It was a real battle raging in my mind as I didn't know how to handle it.Was I really sinning by just looking at those girls,including my friends in class?
Even in the fellowship,we got plenty of well endowed and charming ladies who were active and hungry for the Lord.Did other guys feel the same way like I did?or could it be that they were very spiritual that they didn't even notice these women?
Perhaps I wasn't as spiritual and that's why I could recognize that some sisters were more beautiful,and also why I admired them.
I asked The Holy Spirit to kill that recognition of beauty of women in me!
You cannot see a beautiful girl and say she's ugly just for your immature conscience to be happy.You'd be lying,and that's even sin.
Many Christian youths face this everyday as they sincerely try to keep a pure heart and maintain a clear conscience and true devotion to God. Many times,in their ignorance or immaturity they hurt themselves without knowing it.
"Anyone who looks at a woman LUSTFULLY" has already committed ADULTERY with her in his heart" is the scripture many of us try to observe.Yes.
Jesus isn't joking when he says that and many Christians fail here but we need to understand the type of LOOKING that Jesus referred to.
It's that type of look at girls,lady or even married women whereby you allow your MIND to wonder into her body or HIS body(for ladies);where you begin to imagine her nudity and other sundry acts that follow.It's the kind of look you usually notice when a girl passes where a group of boys are gathered ,maybe after a football match.They size up her height,weight,waist,boobs etc.And the conversation usually is sinful.
They look LUSTFULLY.They DESIRE her sexually.That's the kind of looking Jesus was talking about; not just looking at a lady.
However this is not a license to get loose,lower all your guards and begin to look without control.If you do so,you will fall.One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self control.If the spirit of Jesus lives in you,you have to control your eyes.
Temptation and sin are not the same.If you admire a lady,you have not sinned.If you look at a lady on the street, church,class or market you have not sinned.If you look at her LUSTFULLY and DESIRE her in your heart,you have sinned.And that sin is as grave as physically committing adultery/ fornication.
Can the desire or thought of sex come to your heart as a Christian? Yes. It is called temptation.But you have not sinned just because you had the thoughts.You sin when you yield to it.
You sin when you begin to fantasize about all the erotic stuffs possible with this girl or guy you just saw.
It can lead to a plan to commit it physically just like King David.He saw a naked woman bathing but refused to control his eyes and thoughts.He desired the woman and continued to think of all he could do with her. And finally,he planned how to get her.We know the rest of the story.
The dirtiest,most impure or carnal thoughts could crop up into your mind,even inside the church,in the middle of service but if you refuse to yield to it( to think about it),you have not sinned.
Evil thoughts flashed into Jesus mind in the wilderness and even as he carried on his daily ministry but he never sinned.There were too many beautiful women in the crowd he taught daily and even among his circle of friends like Mary( sister of Lazarus),Susanna etc.
Jesus never sexually thought about them.We are told that he was like us in everything but sin,implying that he faced all the temptations we face today but he never sinned.Yes.Including sexual temptations.
Dearest,my little message is to encourage you as you move on this journey.You will be tempted to sin sexually in your thoughts via looks but,if you refuse to yield,you have not sinned.
Looking at women/men anywhere isn't a sin but looking lustfully at them.This is what I believe.
What do you think about this?Ever had any such experience?Lets share.Make your input in the comment box below