Saturday, 15 August 2015

I Want a Baby Mama Not a Wife

 It was 27th December, just two days after Christmas 2013; I saw him sobbing like one who just lost a child. I had  asked what happened several times but each time he raised his teary eyes, now red and almost swollen, he’d feel like talking but soon buries his face in his palms and continued to sob.”Somto what happened to you please?’ came the query again. “Talk to me or I would leave until you are done crying?” What really happened to my handsome guy?

Somto was not expecting anything unusual or weird from such a lady and more so, not from the circle as sacred as a church. The car pulled up and the horn blared sharply, very characteristic of Chinenye each time she arrives and parks in the garage. Graceful and elegant as ever she stepped out, and dutifully reached for a beautifully packaged basket of provisions-a welcome present this Christmas period. Who wouldn’t want that? Chinenye had earlier in the month got 3 packet shirts also as Christmas gift.

 Somto had more than he needed at this time. Who doesn’t like gifts? I love it too.

But December 27, was a day he wished he never even knew anyone like that rich lady that always brought them things at the parish.What happened?
She had taken her on Christmas outing to Brookside Resorts just to look around. Then, right there in there lounge, the discussion was simple and regular until the lady declared her intentions. “You are a handsome guy, now you want to be a priest but you are not one yet. 

We pray for you all the time that God will make it come true””Aaaaameeen” ,echoed innocent Somto, beaming with his customary fascinating smiles.” I want to ask you for something very important to me and I know you can do it” “what’s that please”, asked Somto.” I will do anything you want, in fact anything for you if you grant me this one request”.

Silence. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds. Somto later recollected that, at that moment he felt uneasy and suspected that maybe she wanted to say something uncomfortable but, what could it be that he was afraid to hear even as he was in training to finally become a priest?
“I want to have a child with you. A child who would look just like you. That’s all. It’s not a difficult thing. I will take care of everything. And nobody will ever know what happened or that you are involved. Trust me. And I will make sure you have anything you want, even if it’s this my type of car”.

Shock. Silence, almost sliceable with the knife.

He had heard this kind of stories a couple of times including the experiencers who gave the narratives of their encounter, he never knew it could come to him. He had heard of some women, including married ones having babies for another man in their matrimonial homes with the husband unaware of the paternity of his presumed kids.

He couldn’t believe he could be entangled in this unholy, ungodly and dangerous circle. And if it had been someone unknown to him, a mere acquaintance or even someone with no affiliation to religion, maybe it would have found a nice excuse and placement but when such is coming from someone of some rank in church, someone you respected and held in high esteem, how do you start?

Some people are really “busy’' in the church but are not converted. Some people have that name but are really not Christians. Many people were born into the church but are yet to become Christians, engagement in church activities notwithstanding. It is true that people can fall into sin, and even very grievous sins but it is usually not an accident. A Christian who has been following Jesus sincerely doesn’t “suddenly” fall out.

There are signs-conspicuous red flags raised by the Holy Spirit in the conscience as one begins the downward slide. The signs are always there but ignored until it becomes a habit and the devil sits comfortably on the throne of the person’s heart where Jesus was supposed to be.
I don’t know which one happened to her,actually.

The devil is a liar!

Yes. Some people, both men and women really do this for whatever reason. And it is not good at all for the stability of the family and the society.
We deliberately walk into the family way, even when we know that we cannot marry this guy and when reality shows, we begin to play the victim and martyr. Raising a well-rounded child is a tough challenge even when a father is present; doing it alone is not a jolly ride in the park. It’s pitiful, and even horrible seeing some women who have a warped or twisted understanding of feminism knowingly or ignorantly promoting this type of lifestyle.
 No matter the argument in favour of this error, it still hold that kids raised in a stable family where responsible mom and dad are present are usually more likely to be better balanced, happier and well rounded out than the others without such homes. Some factors are considered too, for instance in a situation where one of the parent is dead, it’s quite understood but the situational outcome is almost same.

 Bottom line: it’s better to be a complete family than to do it solo.

The devil has been trying and, he succeeds well especially in our world today, in destabilizing the fundamental nucleus of the human society which is the family. If the family is balanced, the kids well raised and guided, the society becomes safer and better for all of us. Wherever you see fractured relationship between husband and wife and dysfunctional home, there you already have a suitable environment where crime and insecurity walk on all fours and thrive like a lily by the waterside.

Many Nigerian blogs-celebrity and the plethora of gossip blogs and, all the armies of wannabe copy-and-paste bloggers seem to glorify and promote these things as they post foolish headlines to draw traffic of like-minded readers. And worse is this: many readers of these blogs and gossip sites are impressionable young ones who would believe and begin to see the world from the perverted prisms of the poster (copiers); they take many things there as the truth. Some of these young readers are also from dysfunctional homes where no concrete guide is available.

Children need fathers not just sperm. It’s not old-fashioned to have a man who would love and respect you all the days of his life, a man who treasures you above everything and everyone else to have a baby with you. All these women parading themselves as feminists on social media and blogs and insinuating a rather devilish ideology to the youth should look inwards at whatever has caused them to act that way-it can be corrected. I think the concept of true feminism is lost soon it enters some Nigerian minds just like many other good ideologies. Our own is usually different.

Some of our so called celebrities are bringing in a new obnoxious culture into the society-having multiple babies with different women out of wedlock. This anomaly should be condemned in the strongest terms. Let evil be called by its name and not a pseudonym so that we can know what we are fighting against and be able to fight it.

This article will not be complete without mentioning that men should be more responsible.Many men are chicken-hearted and afraid of responsibilities especially when they get a lady in the family way leading to the child growing up without a dad. The woman needs a faithful man, not just a handsome man. They need a man brave at heart, with big, strong emotional and psychological muscles, not one with only physical muscles.
She needs a man who can be there for her at all times no matter what happens, not one who scampers into the bush at the slightest sign of discomfort.

There’s no baby momma without a baby poppa somewhere. The sperm in sperm bank belong to some man somewhere, even if you don’t know the donor. It’s not fun raising a child alone no matter the front that lady tries to put forth. Raising 2 or 3 kids alone and been aware that their father is alive and away somewhere doing God-knows-what is hell. It really hurts. It frustrates and can turn a woman to live a reactionary life.

Sometimes I hear some single moms(by option, divorce or death or widowed) talking about their one or two kids seemingly doing well and talking about their raising their kids alone and many people are taken in by this. Yes. They should be praised because it’s really not easy but not to give the impression that this is the ideal. It has never been and it will never be the ideal. Truth is that behind those talks and show of hardness or toughness is an overworked and overstressed, sometimes lonely or angry woman/depressed lady whose survivalist spirit and grace has kept standing despite the obvious odds. It’s wicked to deliberately decide to bring a child into the world without a dad’s presence.

A situation where society applauds cohabiting couples and where we glorify premarital sex as dating or “seeing each other” and where bloggers use it as an attention grabbing ploy (Romeo and Juliet back together again) is wrong as we are destroying the foundations of our society.
Sometimes kids raised this way tend to be doomed to repeat same cycle of mistakes not of their own volition but due to the flawed beliefs they have embraced from the society and their first mentors or guardians who they see living the same way. 

They innocently and ignorantly believe that it’s normal to have babies alone and with anyone and then try and raise them alone by yourself. They may not know what a real or complete family means because they never grew up in one to feel or see what happens.
These young women only realize the full import of their actions when it’s already late.

They end up devastated and shattered.

Not every single parent is mature and intelligent enough to give a child what is needed to move in the right direction and avoid the pitfalls.Two good heads ,they say are always better than one.

Some in the USA blame their government for the liberating welfare and child support laws which is accused of making society and singles moms see themselves as “victims’ instead of been accountable for their actions.

It's also true that many ladies do not really plan to be single moms but it happens anyways,hence the need for caution as we all go into relationships.

Girls should know that just as some men are wont to say that some woman isn’t a wife material, so also are there millions of men that are not husband material at all. Not every man is a husband and father material. Almost any man can get you pregnant but it doesn’t qualify or mean that he is a father or a husband. So what on earth are you doing around such people? 
Blame only yourself when the consequences come knocking.

Do you agree with this viewpoint?Make your contributions in the comment box,lets get talking.We appreciate your inputs a lot