It’s
September. That time of year when the air is cool enough to let you
enjoy the sun beating down as you sit on a terrace sipping a glass of
sangria.
I’m laughing with my best friend about her disastrous dates.
I
used to be able to relate, but recently, it has been all about which
flowers will be in my bouquet, who makes the guest list, what to do with
those relatives I haven’t seen in 10 years but Mom says I “absolutely
need” to include.
I’m sitting on the terrace, laughing with my best friend because she’s just helped me pick out my wedding dress.
It’s
been eight months since the proposal — a totally unexpected,
exhilarating moment of my life, solidifying the feelings I’ve had with
my partner for over five years. It started as puppy love and turned into
full-time jobs, a shared apartment and two actual puppies. (Really
freaking cute puppies.)
And then it came undone.
It’s
September, and the love of my life comes home to tell me he doesn’t
want the responsibility of being with me. After crying and begging and
having him stomp out of my apartment, I call my best friend, and she
comes over to help pack my suitcases.
I’m
22 and have an ex-fiancé. It takes another year for it to stop being a
pity party. There are sloppy drunk texts I don’t remember, rebound dates
that move way too quickly, deleted photos, e-mails and memories.
There’s a void next to me in bed. I drink until blackout to deal with
the weddings of other people I continue to attend.
And
then I hit rock bottom because my ex-fiancé moves in with a woman he’s
dated for about a month. So much for not wanting responsibility. I get
drunk in front of my family — like really, really drunk. I cry and cry
until I realize that this isn’t the life I want to lead.
I
decide to change my situation. I realize that I now have no
responsibility and I can do anything I want. I decide with my best
friend that I’m going to do things differently. I’m going to conquer
things head-on, challenge myself, find what I love, and do it with
passion.
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