Monday, 4 June 2012

Unconditional Love:Real Or Fairy Tale

What actually is your dream partner like? "What qualities are absolutely essential in a partner or in an ideal relationship? Below is a list of what many young ladies and women have in mind about a man they want. I don’t know if you have such list but let me share some with you.

  • God fearing
•    affectionate
•    unconditional love for each other

•    emotional support, connection and harmony
•    caring, kind, compassionate
•    easygoing, calm
•    stability, commitment, loyal
•    understanding, accepting (accepts me as I am), tolerant
•    appreciation and love for each other
•    enjoys intimacy regularly
•    sense of humour, positive outlook, reasonably happy and optimistic
I am seeking this man and hope to find this type of love some day. What do you think of my list?
From my experience I know that such a person does not exist, I know this young lady is headed for disappointment. Her list is created from girlish childhood fantasies of the Knight swooping in to save the fair maiden. Her list is to me nothing but fantasy from a young woman that has obviously never been married.
Hey, I'm not saying that men cannot be honest, loving, committed and many of the things on the list above, don't get me wrong! But real men are not perfect by any means. Even if a guy did possess all of her listed qualities, they won't be in evidence every single day! He is going to mess up sometimes, piss her off, and definitely not be the man of her dreams. So I can say with confidence that the man she dreams of only exists in soap operas, fairy tales and romance novels. He is not a real man.
Remember that he is not perfect just as you are not perfect!
If you are passing up great partners and dismissing them as unsuitable while you seek the romantic fantasy of "unconditional love" you need to stop. Take that qualification off your list and get real. Everything has conditions. And people will stop loving you if you do things on their "crossed the line" list, as well they should! Expecting that you can treat others any way you want and that they will keep loving you anyway is unrealistic.
You should also consider that the other person has qualities he is looking for in a partner, and you should also think of being that person he wants and not just thinking of what he can be for you.
Why would anyone with good sense continue to love and care for someone that intentionally did something foul and disrespectful, with the full intent of harm or using them? For instance, a woman who whines and cries claims to still love a man even though he hurt her children or parents, or committed a violent crime against someone's daughter is a fool. That man would have crossed all barriers of decency and humanity and he should be left in the dust.
When involved in any relationship, we must all decide what our bottom line is. Some people will continue to love and support their friends, children and family members even if they do something on the 'crossed off' list. In real life, the standard on this issue is this: Anyone that hits me, hurts my child, hurts my Mom or Dad or brothers gets no love from me! You steal my money you are out. You do anything foul and funky with intent to harm me, you are out.
And I don't care who you are.
To me, EXPECTING unconditional love under those circumstances makes no sense and means you care more about someone else than you do yourself. Sadly, the attitude of "I hate myself but I love you" goes hand in hand with a damaged sense of self and low self-esteem, which is almost epidemic in our society. Our hearts are made to love unconditionally but the reality is different, due to many natural flaws we may see in our partner. Those things will surely bring out some traits that make us uncomfortable.
I strongly suggest that all women eliminate the fantasy of ''EVERY MOMENT'' unconditional love in their romantic relationships. Establish boundaries for proper treatment and respect and enforce them 100%! NEVER waste your time or your loving heart loving someone that has clearly demonstrated that they do not love you back. This applies to personal relationships, like when you are dating or courting someone and finds out that he shows these signs, and has no intention of changing. There is no need continuing in a loveless place where you are not appreciated and may later turn to be abusive.
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