Saturday, 7 September 2013

Handling Your Exes After Marriage (1)

When you are married there is the initial strong and powerful surge of feelings (euphoria) just like being new in a new status or acquiring a new and long anticipated gadget, but it’s usually on a very much higher level, almost impossible to describe

There is a very strong determination to do all you can to make your relationship work. You have a very high hope and expectation that this relationship should last ‘‘till the end of time or until death do you path’’.You sincerely do not want anything to come between you and your new love and soon your mind begins to move toward forming a new family.

You begin to picture a perfect home, or a very happy home where everyone is accepted and where love is the language. You sincerely wish all this could come through and make your home a mini-heaven and an example for others families. You picture a place you will always be proud of, a place you’ll always miss and long to come back to every time after work; you long for a warm haven that is so soothing and accommodating that it acts as a strong fortress against any turmoil you faced during the day-no matter how fierce you can always come back here and find peace.

But then, after just about few months one of your exes tries to ‘Re-connect’. At first you didn’t think it was advisable and right to respond to the deluge of calls and text messages, but as they continued you began to reply and even allowed yourself to flow on the same subtle romantic frequency, in your words. Somehow you believed it was harmless because marriage was a shield and there was no way you could meet again due to distance. You were wrong.

You forgot that the mind has a lot to do with our relationships and the way we see other people. And our minds can be greatly affected by what we hear. After a few weeks of texting and calling you soon discovered that you were beginning to be disquieted. Silent dissatisfaction and doubts began to trickle into you and it was becoming obvious (unknown to you) to your spouse. You could not pin-point anything anybody had done wrong but you feel always like finding faults. Your wrong interaction with your exes is trying to wreck the worst havoc on your marriage and you need to take drastic measures. What do you do now?

1. Some of your friends just have to go especially after you are married. It does not matter if they misunderstood you or not. There is no need to maintain them again. This includes anyone you ever had a romantic relationship with before marriage. Communications with them usually somehow have a way of rekindling the romance especially if it was someone you loved somehow and who had some really attractive trait you admired which may not be present at all or be in the same degree in your present spouse. Kill many communications if you want to live long.

2. Channel all energy you’ve got into building your present relationship and realize that nothing should come between you and your family. Also this is a decision you have to make once you are married. You do not of course want to enter into the unnecessary stress of double living or false living; where you feel a certain obligation to two people at the same time. If you place yourself in such a situation, you will surely break down. Many people you see today are just miserable and worn out because of this kind of life.

3. Friends to avoid also include women who have no serious regard for family life. They believe that relationships are disposable. They have never enjoyed any stable one and so do not think it exists. You have to determine not to trade your happiness for anything at all, any flirting or ungodly suggestions from outside is dangerous and harmful to your dream of a fulfilling married life. Picture your future family and let it dawn on you that you alone have the task of determining to make it work. You can do it.

“Marriage is honorable and the marriage bed must be kept pure for God will judge all immoral people’’—Heb 13:4