6 Hurtful Relationship Beliefs By Christians

Are you looking for Christian relationship help? Regardless of the problems you are dealing with, it is important that you identify and change these six toxic Christian relationship beliefs in order to make healthy choices.

1. You believe it is selfish to put yourself before others.
Christians mistakenly believe that they have to put others before themselves. This results in giving too much, burn-out, resentment, and being taken advantage of. It is not only not selfish but absolutely necessary that you take care of yourself. The Apostle Paul assumed self-care was normal and right when he admonished husbands to care for their wives, as their own bodies (Ephesians 5:29). There needs to be a balance between taking care of ourselves and giving to others.


2. You believe you have to forget in order to forgive and forgive without boundaries.
Christians mistakenly equate forgiveness with forgetting. Our brains are not wired to forget; in fact, the more painful the event, the more we remember. Forgiveness is a choice and is about letting go of the anger, resentment, and desire for revenge. It is also possible to forgive while setting boundaries on further mistreatment.

3. You believe you have to tolerate mistreatment.
Christians mistakenly equate laying down their rights before God with laying down their rights in relationships. Tolerating mistreatment hurts you, the other person, and the relationship and makes you a partner in the sin. You will be rewarded for your suffering for the gospel but not for needless suffering by difficult people.

4. You believe Christian submission means you cannot say no.
Christians misunderstand submission to mean that a wife cannot say no to her husband. Submission is a part of a partnership in which both individuals are valued and honored. It isn't a child-parent relationship where a woman is required to obey without question. Submission is a choice and can be withheld.

5. You believe you should confront in a way that will not cause the person to be hurt, angry, or upset.
It is impossible for you to speak your truth in a way that never offends or upsets the other person. It is not your responsibility to take care of the other person's feelings. You can only communicate your truth in the best way possible and the reaction of the other person is not something you can control. Jesus upset people continually with his truth.

6. You believe it is your responsibility to take care of others, even if they are suffering from the consequences of their own actions.
Biblical love includes giving but also a willingness to take a stand for what is good and the willingness to allow people to be responsible for their choices. This compassionate toughness is the same way God treats us. It isn't your responsibility to take care of other people. Each of us is responsible for ourselves (Galatians 6:5).

If you are looking for Christian relationship help, changing these six toxic Christian relationship beliefs will allow you to base your choices on biblical truth rather than mistruths.

This article was written by Karla Downing